Film quote challenge: “Madness… madness.” – name that film

STATS: Day count=31; Current Illness count=0 (still in full health); theft count=0; rip-off count=0.4 (we’re sure we were overcharged for another bus journey, but again can’t prove it!); tourist screw-up count=0.7 (no change); Chris’ photo count=355; Emma’s photo count=9

The challenge is on – name the film with the above closing line and you’ll have an idea where we are now. First to add a comment with the correct film title gets honour, respect and adulation from all who read this blog. Probably. You’ll have to be quick though – I expect I’ll put another post up in a day or so giving it away – we’ve got good internet access here!

Does anybody understand the appeal of karaoke? I mean – if people can sing, great – they can enter talent contests, X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent or even just pitch up at an open microphone session at a decent local pub that holds such things. If people can't sing (and I definitely count myself in that category) then they simply shouldn’t. Period. Unless of course they are singing as part of a group, for example in a church or a traditional cock’ney knees-up down Old London Town where their out-of-tune voice can be drowned out, or at least masked, by others more skilled in the art. I’m sure this used to be the case. Until someone invented karaoke. It’s quite a big thing out here. Unfortunately. Until recently we’ve managed to avoid it. In Chumphon, however, on our last night before needing to get up early to travel the next day, we seemed to have all the X-Factor rejects from the earliest possible heats queuing up to take the stage at a karaoke ‘event’ that seemed to be organised right outside our window. Since we were on the 4th floor of the building, I suspect it wasn’t quite that close, but it did feel like it. At 8pm it was funny, quaint and unimposing. At midnight, when it started up again and continued to the early hours, it was a bit less so. I encourage all you karaoke and ‘Sing-Star’ addicts (you know who you are Mr & Mrs Dixon!) to purge themselves of this evil and dangerous addiction before it is too late.  I’m writing this with some level of vitriol because even though we have moved on from Chumphon, I am once again at present being subjected to what must be the worst singers ever to walk the earth (barring myself, of course), each one trying to prove that they really are the worst!

Thanks for the info on Sapodillas, Adrian. Where would we be without your ‘wikipedia-challenging’ knowledge of just about everything? I wouldn’t exactly describe the taste as ‘pears in brown sugar’ but on reflection, that probably wasn’t a million miles away. And as for laptop names at DisplayLink – who is unfortunate enough to own “durian”?

After Chumphon came P(h)etchaburi. Despite having no definite selling point in its entry in the guide book, it was a nice town. Lots of temples dotted around – working ones too, with monks, stray dogs, monkeys and all. Very few tourists, not many places to stay or eat. The hostel we ended up at was, in Emma’s view, “quite nice”. I had a slightly differing view - it was pretty dire. The dark wooden walls had been painted dark green to ensure no light would reflect around the room to brighten the gloom. The windows (at least I think they were windows) opened onto the main road – busy from about 3am to 2:30am. They did a perfect job of letting the noise permeate into the room without interruption, whilst the (filthy) mosquito mesh and grey curtains ensured no light snuck in. Walls between rooms were made of tissue paper, probably, based on the ability to hear the thoughts of the people next door, let alone their conversations. The worst bit was the shared toilets/showers, which were at least clean (though dark, in keeping with the ‘character’ of the place) but infested with mosquitoes. Seeing Emma stalking a mosquito with a small mossie-spray is a sight to fear. The “Dirty Harry” character springs to mind. “Go ahead punk. Make my day”. We stayed 2 nights. It was still better than the alternative across the road! And the attached restaurant had a nice location – overlooking the river – lots of birds and some very big monitor lizards wandering the banks of the river – watched one catch and eat a fish.

Despite the above, we liked the area. More Random Acts of Kindness (check out http://www.actsofkindness.org/) from the Thai people making us rethink how we tend to treat tourists in the UK. We walked to a cave temple thing out of town, taking our time, stopping for a snack, drinks etc, etc, and arrived at 2 minutes to 4pm. Immediately one of the few stallholders stationed outside the temple shouted to us in very good English “Hurry, it closes at 4pm!” Bless him. So we jogged (running is out of the question in this heat) to the entrance, just as the nuns were about to lock the gate and we communicated in perfect mime that we just wanted to quickly look around. They smiled and nodded and smiled and nodded again, so we got in and rushed around the big, impressive limestone caves with Buddha images and the like (see photo – the bear may crop up in a number of photos on our travels – no disrespect to Buddha intended!) and then came out again 5 minutes later to find the nuns still smiling (well, laughing in fact, which was unsurprising as we had just run up and down a load of steps in 30+ degree heat and probably looked…hot!) and waiting for us so they could lock up. And then we walked to another cave nearby (no closing time on that one – took our time) and walked past a monk’s house on the way – he smiled, bowed and smiled again and no doubt felt sorry for us in our heat-exhausted state as when we came back from the cave he was waiting for us with a couple of drinks cartons that he had fetched from his house and he gave them to us. He didn’t ask for a donation or anything! My faith in Buddha is restored and I’m sure that monk is now a few steps closer to Nirvana. Before we left we chatted with the stallholder who had warned us in the first place – really nice guy, very proud of his certificate showing his graduation from the Tourism Authority of Thailand (hence his good English). Final Random Act of Kindness: on the train out of town, it was fairly full and we sat next to a lady who smiled and nodded as they do – didn’t speak a word of English so conversation was a tad muted (our Thai still only stretches to “Hello”, “Thank you” and the number 2). She bought some little neatly wrapped packets of rice and meat and vegetables that people were eating for breakfast and then gave us one each! We tried to refuse but she was having none of it.

Moved on fairly quickly to Dumnoen Saduak. This has the famous ‘floating markets’ often visited on day trips from Bangkok. Very commercialised and touristy but still definitely worth a visit. We decided to stay the night at the place and get up early to see the markets before the bus loads arrive from Bangkok. Turned out to be  a great decision, as although the town itself was dead, the hostel/hotel was fine, and cheap, and we were able to get to the market as it was setting up and the locals were loading their boats, then to watch as the market and waterways became busier and busier with tourist boats. It was a show just for the tourists (lots of souvenir stalls!) but interesting and none the worse for that really. Moved on quickly after that – we only planned a one-night stay there for the market anyway – to our current location, which I’ll post on next (give you a chance to work it out from the film title challenge!).

We’re getting to be expert at the local buses now. Not at getting on the right ones or being charged the right fare or anything, just at looking lost enough for some kind local to take pity on us and help us out. It’s all getting to be quite good fun!

Flights to India booked. We leave Bangkok for Kolkata (Calcutta) on Sat 27th Feb. Plenty of places to see between now and then…